once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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