I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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