I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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