And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
