dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
