jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
