I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
