Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize