Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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