After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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