Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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