A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
