Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
