This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
