lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
