better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
