so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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