My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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