he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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