There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
