Welp...herpes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
