we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
