i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
