ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
