Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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