Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
