After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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