Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize