If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize