On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize