wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize
