4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
