i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
