hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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