So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
