it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
