Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
