I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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