That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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