apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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