so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
