Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
