It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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