I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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