beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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