We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
