He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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