I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
