I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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