ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
