Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
