I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
