dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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