So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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