dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize