halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
