At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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