A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
