dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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