I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
