somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
