you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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