So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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