also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
