My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
