Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Panties = found
Randomize
