mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize