It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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