sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i barfeds in our rink
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
