At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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