Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
