My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
