You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
