Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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