Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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