I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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