hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
