I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize