you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize