Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
