o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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