I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My pussy is not your playground.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
