piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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